bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
