forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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