I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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