So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
