You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize