Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
