so that wasnt chicken after all
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
