Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
