dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
