I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
