Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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