Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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