guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
