I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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