I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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