bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
