Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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