Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
