is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
