you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
lets start a swedish sibling band together
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
