Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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