I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
