Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
