Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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