hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
