I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
