The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
