come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
