Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
