kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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