You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
