So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
