What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
