4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize