Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
