New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Dick very happy bro
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
