dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
