Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
