we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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