Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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