the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize