I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
