honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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