And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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