if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
