Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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