A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize