my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
God I need to hump something, right now.
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