id be glad to
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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