things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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