Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
