The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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