This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
