just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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