I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
