i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
