i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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