Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
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