oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i drank out of a bidet.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I can't put those talents on a resume
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
