I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Vodka?
Forever.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
