i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
