so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
