Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Actions speak louder than pants.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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