Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
