there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
