We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
