did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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