Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize