For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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