dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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