My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Bring me that man meat
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
