If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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