Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
