Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
