No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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