Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
