I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
