So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I checked into jail on foursquare
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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