fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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