Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This is the high leading the old right now
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize