Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My day in three words: secret purse cake
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
