Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My ass is underappreciated
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
