HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
