he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
