so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Be still, my beating vagina.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
