I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize