Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
