I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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