She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
