Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
