I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
