i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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