I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
