I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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