Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
His nipple licking is glorious
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