Soap is not a condiment
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
