I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
