did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
