She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I think your dad took our porno
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Randomize
