there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
