he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
