there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
