that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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