The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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