i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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