i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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