Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
