my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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