I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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