I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
The power of my boobs compel you
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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