I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
